i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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