my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't make out with my wife yet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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