the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
