He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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