The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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