So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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