It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
