Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
