PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
