it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
foreskin is a definite game changer
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
