dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
