Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
where does the pee come out of this thing
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
