i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
