I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
