Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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