Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
