I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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