also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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