she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
