SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
is wine microwaveable?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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