in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
