I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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