Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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