girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
