I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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