We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
