i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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