i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
