I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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