you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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