dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
