I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
