i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
