He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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