can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
