Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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