I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
