ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
