Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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