So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
