There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
