please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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