I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
