She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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