I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
