fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
