I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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