Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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