She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
