One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
